Your face is a jimmy john
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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