I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
