Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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