I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
