new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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