My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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