I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
