i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
