billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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