I cannot find my penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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