if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
