This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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