omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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