I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
