So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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