I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
