Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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