Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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