How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
