$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
