your parents love me but you hate me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
MIDGETS
????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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