**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
