She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
