i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
