Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
