He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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