It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
