dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
