I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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