I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
