Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
