How'd it feel making her break her religion?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
