There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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