I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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