I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
