so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
did i walk over a car last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
