I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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