i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
