Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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