I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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