I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
