I'm eating all of the evidence.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
