biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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