I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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