I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
