Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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