Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
