We're like a lot better than the average bears
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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