I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
