I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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