I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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