he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
