Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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