ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
