nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
