My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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